


Oh Thane, My Thane

by Greenhollyhox



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-05
Updated: 2012-12-05
Packaged: 2017-11-20 10:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenhollyhox/pseuds/Greenhollyhox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thane, my Thane, I failed you. I killed you. It was my fault, my eternal guilt and shame</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Thane, My Thane

I was sworn to carry your burdens. My blade poised to fight for you, my shield raised to protect you from all enemies. It was my purpose, my only purpose. While I may have resented you for that, the loss of my individuality to live only for you… it truly was an honor to be in service to you. You, my Thane, who so easily smiled when we first met, excited to show me our new home even while you were covered in muck and dragon blood. My first service to you was to help you limp to Breezehome as you giddily recounted the battle and told me of future adventures we would have. 

It was that thrill for life, for the dangerous life you led, that endeared you to me, though I admit it took many months and many, many adventures. It was in your exultant whoop at the end of a battle, the fierce grin we shared as our enemies lay piled at our feet. The ease with which you treated me not as a servant but as a friend, however much I tried to make it clear I was in service to you. 

But somewhere along the way, though I cannot name the time, or the place, you surpassed me. Not to say you were not always superior, my Thane; but suddenly, I could not protect you from the foes you now fought. I ignored the signs, the voice in my head that told me I was more a burden than a benefit on the battlefield to you. I was your housecarl, my only purpose to serve you. What would I do, if I could not protect you? I wanted to protect you, my dear friend, dear to me for so many reasons, so many experiences. I remember the long conversations we had over campfires, too tired to keep walking but unwilling to sleep. We talked of everything, Ulfberth finally convincing Adrianne to slow down and have a child, the eventual hilarity that would ensue when Braith and Lars grew and the young women courted the cowardly Battle-Born in earnest, the civil war, new ways to kill dragons, fantastic rumors of places around the country, and the Companions you dearly loved and served as Harbinger. I recall the day we spent tracking Farkas and Vilkas, ambushing them at that waterfall on the way to Riften, a little past the thrice-split tree. Your laughter could be heard from miles away I’m sure, and it only caused them to sputter all the more as they hauled themselves sopping wet onto the riverbank. We laughed until we cried that silly summer afternoon. 

I do not know what I will tell Vilkas when I see him next. Through fog, frost and fire, we always came through. Battered and bruised but miraculously alive, my usual sarcastic comments overshadowed by your delight at another skirmish won, another quest completed. You had promised that no matter where we went, no matter how many side adventures and quests, we would always come home. Even if only for a brief break before the next quest. 

But there will be no more questing now. Thane, my Thane, I failed you. I killed you. It was my fault, my eternal guilt and shame. I did not see the gleam of metal in the gloom, did not hear the hiss of another’s breath over my pulse. Adrenaline and the thrill of victory rendered me blind to further danger. I saw you my Thane, jubilant as you examined the corpses of Falmer and Dwemer machines, nudging them aside to make your way to me, eyes ever keen for the glint of gold. I heard only you, my name cut off in the quick inhalation that was your warning, the pause before your Shout. Flames flickered behind your teeth, curled around your lips and I flung myself to the side, waiting for light, heat and the sound of a dying enemy. 

Your choked gasp echoed around the room as if you had screamed it, and I knew, I knew before I had turned and scrambled to my feet that something was wrong, horribly wrong. The Falmer fell so easily to my blade but it was too late. 

I called to you, my Thane, and the title rang as hollow as my heart at the sight of you. 

I had never presumed to call you by your given name, but now it was all I could say as I clutched you to my breast. I could not tell if your body grew colder beneath your armor, but I willed it warmer with my own heat. If only I could will my own life into yours the way I willed my body heat to keep you from stiffening under me. 

Your eyes close too easily under my thumbs, sight sealed away forever more. I trace your cheeks, your lips, smoothing your expression with shaking hands. Oh Irwaen— I am so sorry. My Thane, my Irwaen, why did you have to save me? I am but your housecarl. You are my Thane, the Harbinger, and the Dragonborn. The world would have turned without me. I do not know what the world will do without you. 

Oh Thane, my Thane, please come back. Let this be a dream, a nightmare; a sight soon to be unseen. Irwaen, please, wake me up by the campfire, the smell of roasted fish and pine floating through the air as you laugh at me from across the flames, another pebble in your hand and your eyes sparkling with mirth. Bring me to that place with you, where you are alive and not stone in my arms, your blood on my hands as I gently draw this arrow from your throat. 

Please. 

Please.


End file.
